I can't believe it's been a month!

I woke up this morning and realized it has been a month since my dad joined my grandparents, my uncle, & my first dog Sadie. I can't believe that it has already been that long. I don't show it but i am hurting deep down inside. I am just stronger then i think most people think. I think people think of me being weak and with me that is not the case. I still feel like i have a heavy weight on my shoulders. i unforntunatly don't think that is going to change anytime soon. i am so tired of being stressed out and sad. It's not the greatest feeling in the world. The only other time i was this sad was when i lost my grandmother when i was 11. I was really close to her. My dad ended up having a heart-attack in his sleep. My mom was the one that found him only because i made her go over and check on him. I got a message from my aunt saying he never arrived at their house. It flew up flags with me, but with dad it always did. I knew my dad wasn't doing well with his health and the last time i seen him (a couple weeks before) he didn't look like he was doing ok but i wasn't sure how to approach the subject, he was my dad. I actually had concerns from the last time i seen him in Oklahoma City. He came to visit us for a couple days and his drinking flew up a huge flag with me but i guess i shrugged it off and i knew the day was coming that we'd have to cremate him but i wasn't expecting it as soon as i was. I think it's going to hit me worse around christmas. i looked forward to those two or three boxes of unwrapped christmas presents and all those calendars he sent us every year for christmas. I have a feeling it's going to be the worst time of the year for me. I grew up with my dad around and we always spent christmas together even if it was just a couple days around christmas. I remember the christmas my dog passed away. dad was telling me a few weeks before that she wouldn't last much longer. I had my talked my dad into letting my mom come over and stay for christmas one year and christmas morning we had to bury Sadie in the backyard, that was in 2001. :( I know dad will always be around and he sits in the top of my cubbard with his parents but at the same time knowing my kids won't get to see grandpa terry anymore sucks. I am so glad that kirt was the one that told them. i wouldnt have been able to do it. They were pretty sad when they got the news. They loved grandpa terry and his hex bugs and his toys. They were actually playing with the hex bugs the last time they seen him and he just had the biggest smile on his face. i guess they can always keep those good memories. i will always remember the good and the bad. I will miss him dearly. I hope someday, A LONG WAY (like when i'm in my 80's/90's!!) down the road we'll be able to see eachother again.  Until then i am just taking it one day at a time and remembering all the goodtimes through pictures. :) I have been going through his pictures and i found so many good ones. I need to go through and scan (and there are a lot to scan! I have a really good one of my mom dad and i at graduation that has been up on my shelf in a frame since i graduated in 2002!) them in but for now. I am going to include a couple pictures i already have on my computer. One of my grandparents and some of my dad & Dads Obituary ~~~> Terry L Crowe   Yes those are me in the pictures till you get to the one of him holding a baby with a headfull of hair, that would be my son Evan. He had so much hair when he was born i had people dumbfounded. lol The first picture my dad is the one behind the machine. He taught electronics for years.

My Grandparents & Grandpa's Can Airplanes. :)